Charles Ashworth
The Stationery Itself: Paper, Envelopes, and a Sense of Occasion
In a British country house, the writing desk is not a decorative relic. It is a working invitation to slow down. Personal stationery begins with paper that feels substantial in the hand and takes ink without feathering. Look for a weight of at least 100gsm, though 120gsm or a cotton rag blend is better still. A laid or wove finish is traditional; a glossy or heavily patterned sheet is not. Cream, ivory, or soft white are the usual choices, and your address or a discreet monogram may be printed at the top. Envelopes should match the paper in colour and quality. For a standard letter, a DL envelope takes an A4 sheet folded into thirds. For a short note, a C6 envelope with a matching card is ideal. Avoid cheap, thin paper that lets the ink show through, and never use a sheet torn from a notebook.
What to keep on hand:
- Writing paper, 100–120gsm, in a size that suits your hand.
- Matching envelopes, preferably with a gummed or peel-and-seal flap.
- Blotting paper, in case your ink is slow to dry.
- A good pen, which brings us to the next point.
The Fountain Pen: Your Hand's Best Companion
A fountain pen is not an affectation. It is a tool that encourages a deliberate pace. The nib glides rather than presses, so your hand tires less and your script becomes more even. Choose a fine or medium nib for everyday correspondence; a broad nib can be lovely but demands larger writing. Ink should be dark and dignified: black, blue-black, or a deep brown. Bright turquoise or glittery ink belongs in a birthday card for a child, not in a letter of condolence. If you are left-handed, select a quick-drying ink and perhaps a finer nib to avoid smudging. Keep the pen clean by flushing it occasionally with cool water. Never use a ballpoint for a personal letter if you can avoid it. The ballpoint demands pressure, which makes your writing cramped and hurried. A fountain pen, by contrast, invites you to breathe.
The Hand: Clarity, Spacing, and Respect for the Reader
Etiquette is ultimately about the comfort of the other person. That means your handwriting must be legible. You need not have copperplate script, but you must write clearly. Use a guide sheet beneath your paper if your lines tend to wander. Leave a margin of at least two centimetres on the left and right. Write in paragraphs, and do not cram a second page if a first will do. If you make a mistake, start the sheet again rather than scribbling over it. Use full sentences and proper punctuation. In formal letters, avoid contractions such as "don't" or "can't"; in letters to close friends, they are perfectly natural. Spell the recipient's name correctly, and double-check the spelling of any place names. A letter that requires deciphering is a letter that has failed in its first duty.
The Salutation and the Closing: Matching Tone to Relationship
The opening and closing of a letter are a dance of degrees. In British etiquette, the rule is simple: the closing must match the salutation, and both must match your relationship. Here are the usual pairings.
- Formal, unnamed: "Dear Sir or Madam" pairs with "Yours faithfully".
- Formal, named: "Dear Mr Smith" or "Dear Dr Jones" pairs with "Yours sincerely".
- Respectful but warmer: "Dear Mr Smith" may also take "With kind regards" if you know him slightly.
- Friendly: "Dear John" pairs with "With best wishes", "Warm regards", or "Yours ever" if you are old friends.
- Close family or beloved friends: "My dear Fiona" pairs with "With love", "Affectionately", or "Your loving".
- Condolence: "Dear Mrs Smith" pairs with "With deepest sympathy" or "With sincere condolences".
- Congratulations: "Dear John" pairs with "Congratulations again" or "With warmest wishes".
Do not use "Yours truly" — it is American and sounds odd in British correspondence. Avoid "Best" as a closing unless you are writing to a colleague you know well. And never sign off with "Love" to a business acquaintance, however fond you are of them. The closing should feel inevitable, not jarring.
Addressing, Posting, and the Timing of a Reply
Write the envelope by hand. A printed label has its place for parcels, but a personal letter deserves a handwritten address. Use the full postcode, and write the town and county clearly. Place the stamp neatly in the top right corner; a commemorative stamp is a small courtesy. Post within a reasonable time. A thank-you letter should be sent within three days of the event. A condolence letter should be sent within a week or two, though a late one is better than none. For ordinary social correspondence, aim to reply within a week. Keep a supply of first-class stamps and a small address book. If you are away from home, a letter forwarded from your usual address still carries the warmth of your hand.
A Few Country House Graces
Finally, remember that personal stationery is personal. It need not be expensive, but it should be yours. A simple monogram, a favourite ink colour, a particular nib — these small choices make the letter a gift. Do not apologise for your handwriting; simply write as well as you can. Do not enclose a typed note with a handwritten letter; choose one or the other. And when you receive a good letter, reply in kind. The etiquette of writing letters is not a set of rigid rules but a way of showing that you have taken time. In a world of instant messages, that time is the greatest luxury of all.
